I really wish the ability to live multiple versions of your life is possible. Like, something basic (?), I would like to be able to fall in love with one person and only one person, but then I would also like to know what it's like to experience a heartbreak (which I guess is still possible with falling in love one person, but whatever). I would also like to know how my life would be if I was born in another place. I mean think of all the possible changes with just being born in a different country. A different region or whatever. Like man. Many countries learn a second language really early while some does it a lot later. Like seriously... all these possibilities. I could be a whole entire person because I would have probably met different people. One thing... I was a pretty shy kid. I could have started school "early" so to speak, but because of my shyness, I waited a year to start school. I would have graduated and getting ready to start college. I would have known different people and experience and miss things that would have happened if I started school early. Imagine (sort of, as you wouldn't really get my imagine?) if I actually (boldly?) joined in activities, answered questions in class, practiced more often... so many things could be different because I did or did not do something in this life alone. Just imagine if I lived in another situation. My friends now are the people that introduced me to things like anime and tumblr and though they are sometimes the cause of my procrastination, I've learned and enjoyed many things. Makes me wonder if I would have known about these things at this time or later.... would my interests changed? Such an interest thought I've had... in my opinion XD.

I'm just gonna quit "verbally" apologizing for my grammar and such. Just know I suck at English and I'm sincerely sorry if any of my posts make you cringe. I probably would if I understood it more. I do when I look back at my old posts, probably for a different reason, but still...

It's been a while, but I'm back for the moment XD

Anyways, I feel like people already know this, but seriously, I like how there's all these different possible utopias we see in books or movies or other sources, but the thing is, there is never really going to be a perfect universe. In one person's mind, yes, obviously, it's that one person's ideal put into a world, of course it would be (mostly) perfect. Even so, in general utopias won't last. They can last as long as the people are willing to follow it, meaning, if a perfect utopia somehow ends up existing, I don't believe it would last for long. The morals of one person could be shared by many, but eventually, something will come up that isn't like by one or a few people because maybe a new generation has found something that doesn't benefit them or doesn't fit them anymore. That makes that perfect utopia not so perfect anymore.

... Yah... I'm sort of distracted while writing this, but I hope you get the gist of what I mean. I don't normally edit my things because then I most likely end up changing a lot... so that's probably why some parts sound a bit... holey... sorry... and also, my usual apologies for grammar and such...

It's funny how our society is such a contradicting place. Like we want people to have dreams and follow them, but once they don't seem to match what society thinks are the "right" dreams, we put them down. Yet, once somebody achieves the dream that society looked down on, it can be praised like "see look, this person followed their dreams and look at their success, you should follow them." But that isn't quite true, because it normally follows the same cycle. Even with other things, like appearance, we've all seen those posts, Be yourself, so you do, but you can get harshly discriminated, so you try to follow the society and you could be stuck up, there isn't exactly a good side to anything. Even if you do happen to fall under a society liked person, there is pressure to stay that way. You do something different and it can make you drop very easily, or, more accepted. It's a risk people must take doing something against the society. But most of the times, society will always have opinions, could be wonderful or harrowing. It's a risk to take.

Sorry this is really bad, but I just suck in writing/grammar, so... I really do apologize.

Hey! Haven't been here for a while. I don't really know what I would like to write about... or what kind of blog this should. I mean, sure, it is my blog, whatever I want right? Yes, but I just don't know how much I want here... and what.... more focus (if any) it should be on. I don't know. Well, school's almost out and I'm glad. Except for the fact that there is summer homework waiting -.-. I DON'T KNOW ABOUT LIFE. I am graduating... soon so to speak, and I have no clue about colleges and scholarships or anything. I mean, safe school, I already got that, but what colleges are good? Good for my potential career? How do I find scholarship? Do I want to stay near home, a few states over, across the country, or study abroad? I don't even know. I don't think I would take a gap year, but the possibilities are endless. Does it matter about whether a school is public or not? What the heck are sororities and fraternities? Dorm or no? I don't even know!! I just want college to come while also dreading the idea... and the future that comes after. I don't know, existential crisis going on maybe? I know I wouldn't be able to live alone, I am too.... jumpy.... or paranoid. Scary movies and such has definitely left a mark... -.-. Oh gosh... and then bugs... ahahah, oh gosh, bugs, I don't want to kill them, but they freak me out... Like how would I be able to survive alone?? I mean, I think I could probably survive alone very well, but at night? Could I make it? I don't know. The ominous future of "real" life is out there and I don't know if I want to go in it or not... Does a guidance counselor help in these situations? I need to speak to someone who is well knowledgeable on schools, careers and such, which is counselor I believe? Oh gosh... I really wish I was more outgoing/less socially awkward. Another reason why I need someone else in life... I don't know how I would make friends... I've never had much experience I guess. I've been.. more of the third wheel friend... I just don't know... Is it because I'm not used to it or is it because it's how my brain works and acts. I don't even freaking know. I don't know...

Should I argue a topic here when I should either be writing and/or studying? Maybe...

well... idk... what have I posted here? Ahahaah oh gosh... I've had some interesting things... fun to read it XD.... hmmm... IDK... I had a dream yesterday... but I forgot what it is now... I was telling someone about it.... darn.... gosh.... well.... my science table was sharing some around and somebody had a strange one. Should I share some old dreams I've had?

uhh... So there... there was this one dream where there was this big field trip many schools went on... it was like a culinary thing.... and the tables/tablecloths went all crazy and I was eating this purple sparkly book cover on this book my mom has.... and then... something happened and  I guess I helped someone from my first grade class because they were trying to return a favor or something. And the next scene I remember is being in the big brown place where you could pee in public... ahahah yes, I know, but it was there, but at the bottom, there was ... a gift shop and My sister and I was looking for a gift.... for our mom.... but I don't remember if it was a birthday/mother/Christmas gift besides the fact that we may have also been shopping for others as well... I think it was christmas... ornaments? So that dude that apparently now owed me a favor found me and I tried running away because I had said I didn't need present for gifts and they were offering... So then I somehow got a pogo stick on a freeway... and was quickly bouncing back home. I eventually lost them... but got pulled over for leaving blue paint on the highway/freeway, but I got away frrom a ticket because it has never happened before... XD Eventually, I heard my mom and sister catching up on their pogo sticks and we made it to a ACT headquarters and then I was looking for a bathroom and when I woke up

Didn't realize I didn't post this, but yup, ahahaha

Now, my sister once said that she doesn't like reading (she was reading a book for English) because every book has similar story lines. I can see that... and it is pretty true. The thing is, everybody... their  template is all the same as well. We are born, then we live and result in death. The only thing that makes it different is how we are brought up, our influences, interests, environments and what we decide to do with our life. This is what allows us to be different in this world of 7 billion some people when we all share the same template.

Hmm...

Is it a problem that I would rather go off into my research rather than doing actually homework? I mean I understand, homework is extra practice or just giving you better understanding of something, but....
I just think school systems should be adjusted. Everybody in this world is unique, as everybody says, and sure, we may share similar qualities, but we can't all be appeased by the same thing. Some one may thrive in group activities, really pushing towards many understandings, but some just can't focus under those circumstances, rather if left alone, they could possibly come to the same conclusion. (ahahah this is just gonna be a rant of varying subjects that will just move along as my brain moves from each topic to topic, so, yeah, it's gonna get confusing, sorry) I just think, many schools are filled with extroverted teachers (not that being extroverted is horrible, there are amazing people out there that are extroverted.). They have more of the idea that more social speaking would help the students better in things like group activities. It can definitely be helpful for anybody, but some people can't take all the stimulation and sort of withdraw, so it may look like laziness or not normal, but too much of a "good" thing does have consequences... how did I get here from research... I mean I just, I want to learn and know so many things, but procrastination and school work gets in the way. But something like this, I really want to learn more about (for now) a specific mental disorder and how it works because I want to be able to better be of help towards someone if they happen to need a new ear/shoulder. Though I believe those chances are very low, it intrigues me how mental disorders work, just something I think of right now before going into research, what if mental disorders were really the normal people, just society not allow that kind of normalness (it's a word now XD) makes  us alienate them, making them feel inferior. Just a different look and environment can really affect how our world is. Society is one restricting factor all places have to deal with, but we have to know how to break it. Society is a box and it doesn't want anybody destroying that box, so those "different" kids are isolated, shunned (in a way) by "normalness" I don't like how we have this idea of being normal. Who gave a person this right to judge what should be normal. Things like normal, beauty and many other things are very subjective. It depends solely on the person and their belief. In many Asian countries, white smooth skin is very ideal, but places like America, tanning is very ideal, why is this. Why do we have this ideal. Something I feel like we can blame are mirrors. I mean sure, other people can see you and feel attracted or beauty from you, but since you personally (and others) can see yourself, how would you know what is "perfect", or how would you know that you are copying somebody with make up well enough to copy your role model. You wouldn't ever know. And cliches, THERE. ARE. NO. PERMANENT. CLICHES. I mean there could be at a during time period, but it's always changing, Books and happy endings, that is like the most cliche thing nowadays, but many books I've read now has had sad endings, deaths and even some breaking the "codebook" by killing the main character *gasp!* Looking at these, time is yet again changing, there will be a time where dark ending would become cliche while happy things would be a thing of the past. I guess that's it for now, and I should start my homework... learn how to right and research XD XP)

Procrastination Help

Hey! My sister found a link that can help you with procrastination while helping other people as well. http://tap.unicefusa.org/ <-- This link makes you stay on their website on your phone (so maybe you should charge it) and I forgot if you can turn it off, but you must stay on that website and keep your phone stationary for you to actually help. Every 10 minutes without using your phone can provide 1 day of clean water for a child in need. Check it out! It also gives interesting facts about every 15-30 seconds!